1-23-13

I have been thinking about promises today and what makes us break those promises.  It's fear and not knowing your self.  Being able to be intimate with another is a scary thing because we often need their validation.  But to be able to hold on to yourself and be intimate regardless of the reaction of another is true love.  Only few find this.  So when you vow, (a solemn promise one by which a person is bound to an act, service, or condition) to do something like marriage, be ready to experience the best and worse of all worlds. 

Like this quote from the movie, "The Vow".

I had someone recently tell me that he regrets divorcing his wife of 20 plus years.. and when I asked him what happened, he said that he changed and basically lost his way back.  To find a way back has got to be the greatest treasure of love and a marriage!

 

 

1-21-13

Asked for the right message for today and got it...


From The Secret Daily Teachings
So often when things change in our lives, we have such a resistance to the change. This is because when people see a big change appearing they are often fearful that it is something bad. But it is important to remember that when something big changes in our lives, it means something better is coming. There cannot be a vacuum in the Universe, and so as something moves out, something must come in and replace it. When change comes, relax, have total faith, and know that the change is ALL GOOD.

Something more magnificent is coming to you!

May the joy be with you,

 

1-19-13

Just wrote to a friend and used some of these words. Found on facebook!  Great to live by particularly if you are having a hard time.  Most do not want to turn 50, but I think 50 will be my greatest time... I look forward.

 

1-18-13

Having a grateful heart is exciting and turning 50 in two years has ignited my excitement. 
FIRE!!!

 

1-13-13

50 is a time for reflection of decisions made throughout the journey.  Decisions of work, places to live, marriage, and many more.  Let's start with relationships... I like what I found at "Living Better at Fifty".. An article by Laura Petherbridge:


"Rights vs. responsibility. Today there is a tremendous focus on “it’s my right to be happy” rather than “it’s my responsibility to keep my vow.” When my aunt was in her late 20’s she had a stroke which caused her to be paralyzed on the left side of her body. My uncle could have left her claiming, “It’s my right to have the same woman I married.” But he didn’t. They had two children before the stroke, and it wasn’t easy to raise them afterwards, but he stuck by her side for more than 50 years. In 2007 I watched him grieve as they lowered her body into the grave. This is what the marriage vow, “for better or worse, sickness and in health” means"

I believe in following through with what you vow or promise you will do until there is no other option but to move on....

1-12-13

I have not posted for a few days.  It has been busy.  I am what most consider an "old" mama.  I have a 12 year old and she has been sick with the flu.  I know that in two years that I will be 50 and my gal will be 15.  I am so thankful for my daughter.  She is such a blessing and a wonderful, creative, and fun young lady.  Despite all going on, I am so appreciate that God gave me such a priceless, beautiful, sweetheart to love my entire life.
 

1-8-13

So, message for the day is to be grateful for your future plans.  Got this story today on FB from a young man who liked it.  He is a gorgeous, sweet young 30 year old who is dating a drop-dead gorgeous woman.  I was surprised that he liked this story.  This story so represents what I am seeing in today's world.  I am grateful for the thing that I am asking for because it is no less than a miracle as  journey towards 50.

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’...t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. If you are not in a relationship now, remember this for the second (or third) time around. It's never too late.

If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up. ♥

 

1-7-13

Today has been a good day.  Started out shakey with words and nonverbals that were less than pleasant, but the words of a first grader was a turning point when he said, "Mrs. M, do you know who needs a day off? "

My response, "No, who?"

"You do, because you are so gooooood," expressed the first grader excitedly!!!  In the words of the young, my soul was refreshed.  So thought for the day is when you face harshness, look away and find your silver lining (Stewart Little).



http://www.rhapsody.com/artist/various-artists/album/stuart-little-2/track/hold-on-to-the-good-things

1-6-13

Today is all about listening for the messages that are there for you all throughout the day.  The key is to listen because you may miss them if you get to caught up with the stresses of the day.  Today, my message was remembering why I loved someone because I heard jazz music in a restaurant that I knew I was to go to for breakfast.

Messages are there for us everyday.  All we have to do is find them.

On Becoming 50...

I have two years before I am fifty and I was looking online for some other bloggers who were like me and low and behold, I could only find the 20 and 30 year old blogs.  I could be wrong, but I am not sure that others my age are much on blogging like the younger generation.  So, I decided to chronicle my journey to the half century mark online so that I may

1.  Learn about myself
2.  Figure out what I want the 2nd half of my life to be like
3.  To help others particularly woman with their journey towards 50.

My bags are packed and onward I go....